Spirit is Tangible

When working with clients, many energies show themselves to me. Family that has crossed into the afterlife will give proof of their existence beyond the veil, but also will the very global and more widely know Deities that continue to exert their support for us in our human experience. Mother Mary, the God Ra, Jesus, St. Francis, Quan Yin, Norse God Odin, etc. all forms of a loving presence. What is spectacular, is many times these energies will prove their active presence in our lives.

A while back, I had posted my experience with Mother Mary on my Facebook page. I was in meditation one evening and had a profound experience with her. I have no religious background and yet there she was, in my mediation, holding me to her chest and comforting me, permeating my whole being with peace and love. About 10 minutes had passed when she lifted me off her chest and kissed my brow. I thought, ‘wow – what a beautiful experience’ but that can’t possibly, have actually, been her. Nice vision though.

The very next morning I was walking with my husband and boys along the beach. Spirit spoke into my right ear, directing me about 30 feet down the beach and to the left. “Go over there, behind those stones. There is a message for you” So I followed. As I got to the area there was some burnt wood and tucked under the edge a small piece of paper. “there” they said. “turn it over”. This little, two inch piece of paper, had a very small quote of the Apostle’s Creed: “who was conceived by the Virgin Mary” – I wept there in the sun, deeply touched by her grace and her desire to get past my doubt and show me how tangible she was.



When Mary presents herself, and it is not often, the energy is gentle and honest. The vibration is uniquely her. Yesterday Mother Mary presented herself behind my client and shared some information. This was beautifully, validated by my client. I had shared what Mother Mary offered and I was grateful she had come again.

This morning I had a beautiful, new friend come to the Sanctuary, Maria Cocqulo Manna. I was sharing with her a sage bundle so she could perform a ceremony for a friend. We shared coffee and some treats and she said, “Oh, I brought a gift for you. I talk to St. Anthony and this morning because I knew I needed to bring something to you. I asked St. Anthony, could he please help guide me to what you needed. So my mother gave this to me several years ago and I know it needs to come to you.”

I opened this beautiful gift bag and unfolded the tissue paper. In my hands lay the Virgin Mary full of water from Lourdes! Again, tears of amazement and joy!


What we need you to know, Mary and I, is that Spirit is tangible. The Divine, Source energy, God, is personal and is wanting to partner with you in your life journey. Meditate, pray, trust and take one step after the other knowing you are supported and you are held by many forms of love!



Your are infinitely important, beautiful and useful so relax!

Stand whole and grateful in your work! Do not fear. Do not compare. Do not worry. If you are participating in the many, beautiful modalities of healing or spirit work in any capacity . . . . enjoy yourself and share! Do not clutch. Do not pretend to own and do not restrict yourself and the very thing you love, by allowing the fearful ego to run the show.


Cameron-Gray-Art3Our very humanity has spent hundreds of years attempting to control and contain and repackage the messages coming from Source, emanating from Divine energy. We have religions of all types, belief systems with lists of rules. We have hateful, spiteful, painful warring over what is RIGHT, BEST or TRUTH. All of it so incredibly limiting. The Divine is expansive, unlimited and infinitely beautiful!


For many years now I have been actively working as a medium and spiritual conduit. I am always growing and always learning. I communicate with loved ones that have crossed, do paranormal investigations, use essential oils, create lip balms, pull oracle and medicine cards, express animal energies, give workshops and all of it driven by this beautiful, unique relationship between the Divine and little ole me. I feel so blessed to have had wonderful teachers both here and in spirit realm and wonderful friends with which to share all of these exciting pathways.


Confidentiality is sacred to me as well as honesty – they pretty much play equal roles in my life. Because of that many people contact me to sort sensitive things out. In this beautiful community of light workers and spiritual seekers (and we have a very large community) some have struggled with others attempts to belittle, compare or undermine the work that they do. I have also watched others publicly make ‘this is better than that’ comparisons in the power or strength of an energetic healing modality. Often shamelessly, like a Coke vs. Pepsi commercial. I rarely experience these things myself but I have had a few unpleasant moments where my practice has been questioned by someone doing the same work or have had some copy literally what I am doing, sometimes word for word, and pass it off as their own.


Now our small, human, frightened self immediately says – Hey! That was mine! Or felt slighted by someone openly belittling their favorite practice, only to make theirs seem more powerful. Many have felt the threat of having work taken away from them by these attempts. Sometimes people are unaware of their selfish and frightened actions and others still are completely aware but feel justified.


Here’s the tough part . . . they are not the problem. LET GO! The moment I engage in feeling slighted (and yes it is often the first natural response) I have grabbed hold of the monkeys tail. My ego has bought into the idea that somehow I own what I do. I narrow into what’s mine and what’s yours. We are working on behalf of Source, we are working with Energy, we are working with intuition and connection to our higher self, which in turn is a beautiful part of the whole. So celebrate!! You can set boundaries. Boundaries are healthy and necessary. There are people I simply will not engage with but I harbor them not a moment of ill will. I just know my personal limit. But on top of that I feel joy in the fact that spirit is using them in their life, in their circle to serve great purpose too. Celebrate the life of others always, even when you disagree. What we do energetically is as important as what we do in our 3D reality.


Instead of responding with fear when someone else sets up shop doing the same thing you do . . . celebrate! The Divine just found one more person to channel through what is needed in their own unique way. If someone copy’s what you said or what you did celebrate! Know that Source is just finding a way to reach more people. It’s about the message not the messenger. If someone is not authentically making their own communion with their higher self or spirit then it is they who suffer not you. Send them love and hold hope that one day they make their own wonderful unique connection!


For those of you feeling the need to compare – just stop. You diminish the very beauty and light you are attempting to work with or work on behalf of. No one modality is any better than any other. The Divine speaks many languages and all things in the realm of sprit have perfect timing and purpose. These modalities are all like letters of the alphabet all coming together in different ways expressing something new each time. Or like the paint on a palate, individual in colour, until they are put onto canvas and cohesively create a beautiful image! Reiki, Cranial Sacral, Sekhem, B.E.S.T, Reconnective Healing, Past life regression, Hypnosis, Tapping . . . and the list goes on. All of these amazing and powerful ways for Spirit to help us make the transitions necessary for our growth – or maybe even just give us some comfort.


If you make a product, sell your product and be joyful. Don’t worry about what others are doing – CELEBRATE what you are doing! If you practice a modality that resonates with your being and you find satisfying or exciting results, keep practicing it and be joyful! Who is meant for you, will come. What is meant for you will come . . . when you remain open. Celebrate that you are participating in the co-creation of transformation with spirit and your client, in this particular moment, on this particular day. If they stay your client wonderful, if they move on to another practitioner or another modality celebrate! They are listening to their own inner call. TRUST, for heaven sakes, that Spirit knows what it’s doing and just relax, enjoy and be in the flow of loving others from your very unique paradigm. Just be uniquely you in a wonderful dance with Source because you are infinitely important, beautiful and useful! xo

On Black Wings


I must have looked like a loon, laughing that hard, alone in my car. Archangel Azriel gave me great reason. I had just come from lunch today with my beautiful soul sister Pam. Her and I have a wonderful spiritual connection and have been able at times to see the same energies in spirit realm. Here is a background to one such moment:

I run a women’s meditation group and we use this time when called upon to offer healing. A friend was ill and so on this particular night we placed my Reiki table in the center of the room, envisioned with intention, him stretched out in front of us. We then provided distance Reiki to offer whatever he needed at that time. A few moments in I saw these large black wings rise up from behind me. I was unnerved as I see many things but not black wings. I am very used to Archangel Michael and Uriel and other dimensional beings of light. I pushed the image away, yet again the wings rose up as if they were mine and stretched large into the room. Again I released the image. I did not share the experience so as not to distress the others. We moved then into our meditation night and after our first collective meditation Pam says “just before we began I saw these large black wings rise up and like a dome, cover the room.” Well I nearly dropped – I believe my reply was something to the effect of “YES! What the hell was that?” then I shared my vision. We took to Google – I typed in Angel with black wings . . . all I saw were dark images and talk of fallen angels. I just knew this was not what we had seen as there was only peace in the room. I then typed in Archangel with black wings and this is what came:

 ‘The Archangel Azriel’

 The archangels were formed from him. He is the only Angel with black wings and has no halo for his light is within him. His hair is black and glistens with that light seeming almost silver. And he wears a black cloak filled with the glowing stars of galaxies.

As the Archangel of Spirit, he is the one to take you Home at your transition, cutting with his silver scythe, the silver cord that binds your spirit to physical form and guides you towards the Light. He is therefore known as the Angel of Death. He is also at the transition into physical life, at your birth. Also Master of the Akasic Records.

 As Pam and I sat recounting this moment I looked up Azriel’s name again and re-read the meaning. What astounded me this time was that most of what Azriel represents has been part of my own personal experience. When I was first thrust into this journey of mediumship and I was dealing with the issues of protecting myself and my energy It was suggested that I surround myself in a bubble of light. This never worked for me. Many people over the last several years have heard me say that, instead, I feel the light rise from inside me – it starts in my solar-plexus and I feel it expand until it fills my whole body and then I watch it extend about 3 feet out from and around me! (his light is within him) Several years back in meditation I saw a dark cloak cover me hood and all and inside this cloak was the universe! I have seen it again several times. (cloak filled with stars and galaxys) My hair has been a dark brown bordering on black through most of my life. I am in my mid 40’s and decided to not dye my gray away but to embrace it and make it shine so I use Silver shampoo! Lol I was told by a medium in my first few years of the work that when I sleep I help transition people to the afterlife. This has certainly manifested in my conscious awareness and now occurs not only when I sleep – I have the wonderful privilege of listening to some of those in spirit who have not made their way yet for various reasons and assisted in making the light visible for those who are ready to release themselves from this plane of existence.

So here comes my outburst of hilarity. I dropped Pam off at home and was on my way to get the boys. I was pondering in my mind my connection with Azriel and I thought – “Raven has been paramount in my journey so far as the communicator between this realm and the after life and I have shifted into his form so many times – I wonder if the black wings of the bird have been so important to me because of Azriel?” at this point I decided to turn on the radio on:

Says she talks to angels.

They call her out by her name.

Oh yeah, she talks to angels.

Says they call her out by her name.”

 “Oh I love this song – I have not heard it for a long time” It was a few lyrics before I realized what I was listening to and I had a little giggle – considering I was contemplating Angels I thought this was cute until the song ended . . . .

DJ says, “ . . . great song by the Counting CROWES”



May I make a suggestion?


May I make a suggestion? Let people in, let them way in. Fill your life up with others. Take the risk. Yes, 100%, take time for solitude but live a life full of people. All kinds, to varying degrees of relationship. Here’s why . . . I ‘blew a nut’ this morning.

I behaved badly. I was a Yelling, RAGEFUL mess. No belittling or name calling – just in full tantrum over someone else’s behaviour and its perceived impact on me. Only here’s the thing – its never, never, ever them! You might really, really want it to be them but it never is. This is a fact I am always and sometimes quite painfully aware of.

Relationships are wellness barometers with faces. Some we love, some make us cringe but all significant in that they give us ample opportunity to learn and develop our personalities as well as recognize the growth as we continue in them. When there is no person, place or thing to bump up against it is easy. There are a batch of unique issues with that, I am sure, but for the most part there is lack of conflict. Today, as a result of my ‘Losing it’ with one of these fine relationships, I was able to reflect and see what was really going on with me, but more importantly I was able to also see tremendous growth. Just mere moments after I escalated I apologized for my “loudness.” Not by saying “I’m sorry I was so loud, but when you . . .”.  Instead it was “I am very sorry I was so loud. It’s not appropriate or healthy and I don’t like it when I respond that way.” And then I let the silence be . . . . . . . . . . . . . without trying to appease any guilt in me, with blame. Here’s the other good news. Afterward, I did not allow the ego to take over and berate me, for the rest of the day. There was no internal, nasty dialogue that said what a terrible person I was for raising my voice like that, no consistent focus on self pity and self loathing to again detract from my responsibility in the situation. I’ve come a long way baby!
We are moment to moment blessed with the opportunity to reflect on and question the self.  Why am I responding with such anger? Hurt? Sadness? What is my part (there always is our part) and how could I have helped the situation? What is it about Bob or Susan or Rick that makes me feel so irritated or frustrated and why? What am I actually afraid of?
In all these relationships we get messy with each other. We get loud, we get hurt, we get scared and we behave in ways that make us say “oh crap, I wish I had done better than that.” Others may be rude, cold, self-centred and frustrating in a multitude of ways but it is only our internal dialogue and outer response that is the issue. We certainly have great joy in some of these relationships, but it is in these times of strife, that I can truly see where I am at, how far I have come and contemplate where I would like to see myself.
So let them in and do not fear. In such a Divine way the people in our lives reflect the truth of our behaviour back to us, mirroring both our ugly baggage and our radiant light.



Para: a prefix meaning “alongside, beyond, altered, contrary”

Normal: an adjective meaning to conform to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.

October 5th, 2013, at Fort Rodd Hill, was definitely an altered, contrary, way beyond the usual, typical evening for me and nothing I ever, in my 43 years, expected to be doing, on a standard Saturday night!

Put on by Beyond Belief Paranormal Group, this paranormal investigation was the first of its kind in this National Historic Site. The site had been active from 1878 to 1956 as a coast artillery fortress in defence of Victoria and the naval base at Esquimalt harbour, as a part of the larger defence strategy of the British Empire and Canada. That said, I was not there for a history lesson. I was there to develop my mediumship.

Until a week prior I had not made up my mind to go. I was scared. I’ve always been scared; of the dark, tunnels, caves, anything less than puppies and sunshine could pretty much freak me out. I have an internal fear based personality that is subject to attacks of anxiety and the odd fainting spell. You may not be able to tell from my personality, or my presence in a room but one look at my fingernails, bitten to the knuckle, tell the real story.

None the less I had come to a stale mate. When in communication with spirit I was frustrated by my limitations. I would have moments of such accuracy and clarity and then a fog would settle in, allowing me only fragments of information that never seemed to make a whole image come to light. I would have to face the boogeyman, real or imagined, if I was to move on in this area of my life.

Since mid 2008, NORMAL has slowly become a word that no longer has definition in my life. Out of the blue and with no prior belief I began to experience the dead. I could see, feel, hear, smell and taste as a way of communication with spirit. The first year I cried a lot, both from psychological shock and from an overwhelming joy. Year two, I focused my attention on meditation in an attempt to understand what was happening to me. Meditation became a regular part of my life and year three saw me letting my guard down taking more risks, and offering information to others as I received it. Year four brought remote viewing, shape shifting and other bizarre things, far to strange for me to ever mention publicly. Now . . .  year five! Year five has been amazing. My fortunate spiritual awakening has been a catalyst in the development of my business. I use Reiki, Reflexology and Massage as a way to be present with others and provide healing in conjunction with spirit connection, but even greater, it has been the year where my personal growth has become evident.

Do you know when concrete is at its coldest? It’s at night in the fall. It’s when the building is an abandoned military bunker down a tunnel with a steel bolt door. It’s when you are bum on floor, back against wall, lights out. It’s when your waiting, in silence, ghost box positioned and ready for spirits to speak. Everything becomes sharp; the air against your skin and the sound of a whisper.

Most of the buildings at Fort Rodd Hill are concrete structures, and in the dark, with flashlights protecting our careful steps, we moved from station to station setting up equipment in the hopes of capturing evidence of spirit energy. I am not familiar with this equipment and can not say I am closer to understanding it now, but for this event I was more interested in my ability to sense the potential energy surrounding or present in these environments. It was suggested to me, by a trusted Medium, that this would be a good way for me to develop and grow in the depth of my ‘sensing’.

And so, the long walk to the first building, the Lighthouse. Along the gravel path around the building and down a small hill to the beach my first impressions came. I could feel two children at the light house and moments later a large injury to my face. My body was intact and unharmed, but my face felt a terrible mess, and I expressed this to the gentleman I was walking with. In the lighthouse a multitude of feelings some validated, some not. We walked back to the main buildings and it was there that I was able to ask the site keeper on duty about my senses on the beach. He recounted that one of the lighthouse keepers was attempting to catch Minks one day, along that stretch of beach, and was bitten in the face, sustaining a major injury and creating so many medical bills, that it financially destroyed his family. He had two children.

I was thrilled with the confirmation but began to feel great pain on the top of my head and this is the point at which, for lack of a better term, felt ‘detached’ from myself. In a panic I thought, “Ok I have to go, this is not for me, I made a mistake”. I asked a woman, I had done my first level of Reiki with, to please, place her hands on me and ease my head. As she did this I shifted, immediately, back into a state of calm. It was that moment when I realized,  I could be here, as a matter of fact I could be anywhere in the world and I did not have to be open. It was my choice, I could decide to feel and sense and be open to spirit sharing with me, or I could close myself down and just observe. Amazing things began to happen that night. I found myself fearless. I found myself down long, dark, cramped corridors, from time to time, standing back as I could feel the spirits of many men running past me, back and forth. When others were feeling the deep emotions of grief and turmoil in heavy energetic areas I was able to walk up to them, freely and without worry, talk them through what they were experiencing. I found my self stating what my limits were. I found myself in the dark, alone. I found myself . . . I found myself . . . wholly crap! I found myself! Within a few hours I had become, in part, the kind of woman I always wanted to be. A woman unafraid.

At one point while sitting on that concrete floor, in the black silence, I began to feel a divine presence in and around me. It began to expand out from me and created a white, lace like aura, about one foot thick around my entire body. I have never seen aura before (and not for lack of trying) – it was a miracle. I felt so strong, supported, protected and secure. I felt solid, sure and brave.

I may seem altered and contrary to some and I may not be typical or conform to what is expected but I am free! I am free from my self-created prisons of fear and doubt. I am free from my worries of how I am perceived. I am more free than I ever thought I could be in this life time or in this flesh!  And I am so incredibly happy to be paranormal.

Reflections of a TROLL


Every day I drive my kids to school, I pass her. I drive by her as she stands on the sidewalk by the blinking light standard, or stop in front of her at the crosswalk, when she holds her big red hexagon on a stick, asserting her authority over strips of white paint marking a crossing on the roadway.

I consider her the TROLL. I actually say in my mind  – ‘Troll!’

As I go by, she snarls at me, wrinkles up her nasty little nose and narrows her beady little eyes while mouthing, with her misshapen lips, the words ‘SLOW DOWN’. I imagine her skunk breath, wafting like cartoon stench. I’ve checked the signs!! It’s 50k!! It’s not a school zone and I’m doing the speed limit (or less) every time!!

I know. I’ve made her out to be quite the nasty little character and in doing so I probably look like quite the nasty ass myself. Your right! Sometimes (in my mind only) I’m the stinky, intolerant ass of a troll!

But here is the other thing about me – I always strive for change. I’m uncomfortable being an intolerant rear end even if it is only in my mind. I’m disappointed in myself, when I feel that knot in my chest or my stomach, as I viscerally respond to something I do not like about someone else or their behavior.

Fortunately I have learned over many years of self-development that I am the problem. I have worked hard to become and observer of me, and therefore become an actor instead of a reactor who is constantly triggered by the reflective mirror, my fellow humans hold up for me. This is not a new concept but it is important that you know, no matter how many books we read or how much knowledge we have about the enlightened life, it only counts if we put it into practice.

     So last week, it went like this in my mind: “Debra, you are reacting to her. She is only a mirror, what do you really see?” Then I burst out laughing! I saw me! Overreacting to every car that passed, as if they were the enemy to my flock, who would need to cross this span of potential fatality. I’m that passionate, and that dramatic! I am a Leo born in the year of the Dog. I am a German Shepherd with the fierceness of a Lioness! I’m a Shepherdess! I roar loud and bite if necessary. I stand in front of the clan with my arms out saying “yea, but you have to get past me first”. I take in, adopt, follow close behind, monitor, check in on and tend to those that need care and attention. My life has largely been, and still is, about love and care and above all protection, justice and responsibility. At times I have resented my own intensity and my conscience meter because due to it my life has had many uncomfortable moments, to say the least. This is not because I am an exceptionally virtuous person; it is literally in my veins. Thank God for the Aquarians that douse enough of my fire to make me bearable!

     Was I really resenting the intensity of her care and protection? Can you imagine being irritated by such a thing? ‘Excuse me troll – I think your a troll because your love and care is to great!’ Absurd!

Because of the blessing of self-reflection, the next time I passed, I slowed way down. Not because she was right, and not because I was speeding, but only to soothe her deeply caring and passionate heart!

Meerkats on the city streets!


I am a Meerkat! I own it, and trust me it is an important declaration. I am married to a Meerkat, my dear friends are Meerkats, and today, I drove around a car load of scruffy little Meerkats. Do you know much about this amazing African critter? If you are Human you should. As a matter of fact I think the Meerkat should become the community of beings with which we strive to emulate. Let me explain.

Today my boys and I picked up my teenage daughter and her friend from a sleep over. As I drove her friend home we ran into an awful scene. I had just turned a corner, on a quiet city street, when the girls called out ‘oh my god! a fight!” A big, nasty, man punched a woman in the face and she fell to the ground. As he was over top of her I quickly pulled my car up, rolled down my window and shouted for him to step away. My daughter grabbed the phone and dialed 911. We stayed on the scene, all of us safely in the car, but taking a stand for the protection of the woman. At my forceful insistence and threats, he had split apart from her, and as the woman gathered her bags and walked up one road yelling for me not to ‘call the cops’, I put my car in crawl and stayed on the heels of the man down the road in the opposite direction. I was going to put my car between him and her until the police arrived and I was not going to let him make his way back to her. He turned around to re-engage and as he approached my window he made threat. I slowly turned the car around continuing to follow him like stink on a skunk.

My insistence to stay was not out of anger at him, but out of the fierce need to protect the pack; to protect the victim. But it was also to protect the hearts of the two young women in my car who had just watched a man violently attack another young woman. It was to show that sometimes, at personal risk, we do not turn away – that we are a pack, all of us, and the protection of the individual is also the protection of our collective selves. I wanted them to know that there will always be someone to watch, always someone to protect and that alone we are vulnerable but together we are strong.

So it is with no coincidence that tonight the boys (9 and 11) and I happened watch ‘The Meerkats’ by James Honeyborne and Starring Paul Newman. It was the perfect end to a day that had such a polarization of experiences. I was in tears, at points, by the loving humanity with which this community of critters lives.

“Meerkats demonstrate altruistic behavior within their colonies; one or more meerkats stand sentry while others are foraging or playing, to warn them of approaching dangers. When a predator is spotted, the meerkat performing as sentry gives a warning bark, and other members of the gang will run and hide in one of the many bolt holes they have spread across their territory. The sentry meerkat is the first to reappear from the burrow and search for predators, constantly barking to keep the others underground. If there is no threat, the sentry meerkat stops signaling and the others feel safe to emerge. They also protect the young from threats, often endangering their own lives. On warning of danger, the babysitter takes the young underground to safety and is prepared to defend them if the danger follows. If retreating underground is not possible, she collects all young together and lies on top of them.” From Wikipedia

The Meerkats are small creatures that will group together as a force to ward off much larger and more powerful danger; ‘Together they can!’ But most importantly, when they are not in defense mode, they are a community full of touch! They actually hug one another and touch one another constantly and in the most loving ways. They drape their arms around each other, reach out for each other, they sleep curled up, all together. Everyone feels protected and cared for.

Don’t we need more of that? Safe, loving, caring touch and fierce protection when danger is near. We need to protect our children, and when I say ‘our’ I don’t mean you protect yours and I will protect mine – I mean ‘we’ all together, protect all our collective children. We watch out for those vulnerable in our community and for each other. We don’t ‘mind our own business’ at the expense of the safety of our own kind. Sometimes that makes our own lives uncomfortable but the alternative is a broken society and in the end our individual pain is greater.

The movie ends by saying “its not easy growing up, it never is for anyone”; (Kolo – the main character) has learned what it is to be a Meerkat –  to guard, to protect and to teach the next generation how to survive”

After the movie ended, my boys and I rolled around like ferrets on the bed giving out the little bark ‘merp’, ‘merp’ of the Meerkat and repeating over and over “to guard and protect, to guard and protect”.

Let’s start a Meerkat movement! ‘merp’

Debapalooza 2013!


Debapalooza 2013 rocked tonight! Sitting with my two little boys on my bed we played our air guitars and drums while singing our hearts out to Elton John, Journey, Fleetwood Mac, Owl City, Danny Gokey and Rob Thomas. They were songs about losing love, betrayal, rocketing to the moon and enjoying the wonder and magic of life. After four tough years our adoption of each other is complete, and as we looked into each others eyes we sang the words, with full understanding, of what they meant to each of us; ‘It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you‘, ‘don’t stop believing‘, ‘Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids‘.

Midway through our concert, one of the little monkeys, made his way to curl up in my lap like a newborn and force a rocking motion to the music, finding a place in himself to roll between infant and his 11 years. The other turned upside down with his feet over his head in some acrobatic mold without releasing his little fist’s firm grasp around my pointy finger.

We belted out: ‘Don’t let the sun go down on me‘, ‘You may need me there to carry all your weight, but you’re no burden I assure You, tide me over With a warmth I’ll not forget, but I can only give you love’

We shifted position to our backs and lay snuggled together, one under each of my arms. As I gently tapped one’s hip and the others belly, we finished with a beautiful rendition of, Wonderful World, by a lovely Hawaiian man, Israel Kamakawiwo’ole, and something became clear to me. Together we were healing – and it was good.

I dedicate ‘Ever the Same’ by Rob Thomas to all three of my brave children. May we always hold each others hearts.

Suffering is only pain’s desperate need for a friend


Sometimes the truth, the adult, mature, balanced, right and good truth, is actually irrelevant. While an enlightened view of painful situation is a sign of some hard work and evolved growth, and it is true, that a new perspective and the practice of mindfulness is an element of healing, there is an important facet that our ‘hurry up and finish grieving’ culture, is loosing. Heart.

If your child steps on glass and cuts their foot, you pick them up, dress the wound, give a kiss and carry them for a little longer. You know the glass is gone but the experience for the child has been very real and very painful. They are sure it will never be safe to walk on the ground . . . ever again. Even though you know the immediate threat is over, it is safe, and their perspective of the ground is no longer true, you carry them anyway to support their need in regaining a sense of security.

As you carry them you talk about how sometimes there will be glass or possibly other sharp objects, but mostly there isn’t. How it is safe to walk even after the experience, because it has made them aware of themselves in the world, and has enhanced their ability to see potential harm. We, as the adult, talk the child into looking down at the ground from the safety of our arms to see for themselves, that all is clear.

Over the course, of whatever time it takes, we answer their tentative questions and agree, that while the truth is, there are still sharp objects, there are not many, and that if they happen to get cut again this experience has taught them that they will in fact survive getting injured. That after the injury, they can once again enjoy the feeling of being barefoot in the grass or the sand or the water. That they can move forward assured that they are even stronger now and are ready to feel freedom and joy once again.

They need to be put back down, in time, their time – when the extremes of fear have subsided and only tentativeness is left.

As friends to others we must understand that grief is not civilized, not sensible, not pretty. It distorts thought, seems irrational, and can be a snotty, crazy making mess. It is not to be rushed, belittled or compared to. We must have compassion and patience for the feelings of pain that threaten to turn another’s insides completely out.

Likewise we must view ourselves from this same perspective. Be humane and kind to ourselves when we have faced injury. We must be the friend for our pain and be reassuring, that the response of grief has a life of its own and deserves our accommodation and attention. We all just want to be noticed, we just want someone to see, to really see, how much it hurt. In life, pain will come but suffering is not necessary. Suffering is only pain’s desperate need for a friend.

Cherries and other yummy stuff!


Last night, 11:29 pm, I was preparing to have some ‘me’ time.

Heating pad?                        check!

Tea?                                     check!

Medicine cards?                   check!

iPhone?                                check!

Kids asleep?                        check!

Empty bladder?                   check!

Room to myself?            check!

After the scene was set, I crawled into bed. For me, some days, when I feel bedtime creeping close it’s as if I’m the Arctic Fox making my way towards a dry windless burrow in the middle of the wild frozen tundra. My movements are slow and calculated as I check for the safety of my surroundings and dream of the comfort I will enjoy after the hard labors of hunting and gathering in such a harsh environment.

I know, drama queen – right? You would think I was suffering. You would think my life hard. It’s not – not by ANY stretch. Yes, I’m a mother of three, have little in the way of monetary security but am totally blessed with an amazing husband, great kids and a network of friends to seriously envy! But, I’m sensitive – I mean really sensitive! I felt shame when I heard it growing up; “Oh, Debra (with the sound of exhaustion) you’re so dramatic!” “Oh, Debra (eye roll here) you’re so sensitive!”

Here’s the thing – it is because of this ‘sensitivity’ that I can see, hear and feel spirit. It is because my radar is a bit off center, which I am able to have experiences like the one to follow. I don’t often understand the how or why of it all; Spirit communication? Psychic ability? Remote viewing? Not important right now, really, but truly fascinating and I look forward to more being revealed.

So I get myself settled in last night and I think of my dear close friend Carolyn. I send her a text requesting her approval to focus on her and pull an Animal Medicine card. (I always ask permission, as it would be tantamount to pressing my face up against someone’s living room window and spying.)


“Absolutely – you can pull cards for me anytime!”

In preparation for pulling a medicine card I sit comfortably, back against my heating pad and headboard, I breathe deep. I focus on seeing the colors of my charka open; red, now orange, yellow, now green, blue, purple and now brilliant white! I see Carolyn now in this bright space of my meditation and right to the left of her head I see three little cherries with their stems attached. I open my eyes and think “Debra, you’re such a weirdo. Cherries? People are not eating cherries! It’s winter and that must be your imagination.” Now my critic can be quite the skeptic, and while on one hand I am glad for that (keeps me grounded) on the other hand it can make trusting information difficult. I don’t pull a card an instead, text back:


“Did you eat something with cherries? I saw cherries.”




“Did you get my photo?”


“Laughing my freaking a#$ off!”


“Made me smile ear to ear. Only candy I ate tonight!”

“You never fail to amaze me, my favorite super stalker!”


“Funny thing is I saw 3 cherries!! Stems and all!!”

Like I said – Yummy! It’s the topping on my cake; the cream cheese frosting! Life can be tough, cold and harsh. It is, at the same time, full of joy, opportunity and love; but beyond all the experiences that life, in this physical form holds, we have access to the great mystery of an expanded awareness, the awakening of a spiritual depth, and the choice of a joyful deliverance at any moment! I’m so glad now, to be that ‘sensitive’.