Suffering is only pain’s desperate need for a friend


Sometimes the truth, the adult, mature, balanced, right and good truth, is actually irrelevant. While an enlightened view of painful situation is a sign of some hard work and evolved growth, and it is true, that a new perspective and the practice of mindfulness is an element of healing, there is an important facet that our ‘hurry up and finish grieving’ culture, is loosing. Heart.

If your child steps on glass and cuts their foot, you pick them up, dress the wound, give a kiss and carry them for a little longer. You know the glass is gone but the experience for the child has been very real and very painful. They are sure it will never be safe to walk on the ground . . . ever again. Even though you know the immediate threat is over, it is safe, and their perspective of the ground is no longer true, you carry them anyway to support their need in regaining a sense of security.

As you carry them you talk about how sometimes there will be glass or possibly other sharp objects, but mostly there isn’t. How it is safe to walk even after the experience, because it has made them aware of themselves in the world, and has enhanced their ability to see potential harm. We, as the adult, talk the child into looking down at the ground from the safety of our arms to see for themselves, that all is clear.

Over the course, of whatever time it takes, we answer their tentative questions and agree, that while the truth is, there are still sharp objects, there are not many, and that if they happen to get cut again this experience has taught them that they will in fact survive getting injured. That after the injury, they can once again enjoy the feeling of being barefoot in the grass or the sand or the water. That they can move forward assured that they are even stronger now and are ready to feel freedom and joy once again.

They need to be put back down, in time, their time – when the extremes of fear have subsided and only tentativeness is left.

As friends to others we must understand that grief is not civilized, not sensible, not pretty. It distorts thought, seems irrational, and can be a snotty, crazy making mess. It is not to be rushed, belittled or compared to. We must have compassion and patience for the feelings of pain that threaten to turn another’s insides completely out.

Likewise we must view ourselves from this same perspective. Be humane and kind to ourselves when we have faced injury. We must be the friend for our pain and be reassuring, that the response of grief has a life of its own and deserves our accommodation and attention. We all just want to be noticed, we just want someone to see, to really see, how much it hurt. In life, pain will come but suffering is not necessary. Suffering is only pain’s desperate need for a friend.


Cherries and other yummy stuff!


Last night, 11:29 pm, I was preparing to have some ‘me’ time.

Heating pad?                        check!

Tea?                                     check!

Medicine cards?                   check!

iPhone?                                check!

Kids asleep?                        check!

Empty bladder?                   check!

Room to myself?            check!

After the scene was set, I crawled into bed. For me, some days, when I feel bedtime creeping close it’s as if I’m the Arctic Fox making my way towards a dry windless burrow in the middle of the wild frozen tundra. My movements are slow and calculated as I check for the safety of my surroundings and dream of the comfort I will enjoy after the hard labors of hunting and gathering in such a harsh environment.

I know, drama queen – right? You would think I was suffering. You would think my life hard. It’s not – not by ANY stretch. Yes, I’m a mother of three, have little in the way of monetary security but am totally blessed with an amazing husband, great kids and a network of friends to seriously envy! But, I’m sensitive – I mean really sensitive! I felt shame when I heard it growing up; “Oh, Debra (with the sound of exhaustion) you’re so dramatic!” “Oh, Debra (eye roll here) you’re so sensitive!”

Here’s the thing – it is because of this ‘sensitivity’ that I can see, hear and feel spirit. It is because my radar is a bit off center, which I am able to have experiences like the one to follow. I don’t often understand the how or why of it all; Spirit communication? Psychic ability? Remote viewing? Not important right now, really, but truly fascinating and I look forward to more being revealed.

So I get myself settled in last night and I think of my dear close friend Carolyn. I send her a text requesting her approval to focus on her and pull an Animal Medicine card. (I always ask permission, as it would be tantamount to pressing my face up against someone’s living room window and spying.)


“Absolutely – you can pull cards for me anytime!”

In preparation for pulling a medicine card I sit comfortably, back against my heating pad and headboard, I breathe deep. I focus on seeing the colors of my charka open; red, now orange, yellow, now green, blue, purple and now brilliant white! I see Carolyn now in this bright space of my meditation and right to the left of her head I see three little cherries with their stems attached. I open my eyes and think “Debra, you’re such a weirdo. Cherries? People are not eating cherries! It’s winter and that must be your imagination.” Now my critic can be quite the skeptic, and while on one hand I am glad for that (keeps me grounded) on the other hand it can make trusting information difficult. I don’t pull a card an instead, text back:


“Did you eat something with cherries? I saw cherries.”




“Did you get my photo?”


“Laughing my freaking a#$ off!”


“Made me smile ear to ear. Only candy I ate tonight!”

“You never fail to amaze me, my favorite super stalker!”


“Funny thing is I saw 3 cherries!! Stems and all!!”

Like I said – Yummy! It’s the topping on my cake; the cream cheese frosting! Life can be tough, cold and harsh. It is, at the same time, full of joy, opportunity and love; but beyond all the experiences that life, in this physical form holds, we have access to the great mystery of an expanded awareness, the awakening of a spiritual depth, and the choice of a joyful deliverance at any moment! I’m so glad now, to be that ‘sensitive’.

Of energy dogs and empty spaces


I was in for my 10 a.m. cranial-sacral treatment with a naturopathic physician after a traumatic highway crash (A treatment I highly recommend for an incredible healing experience). It is a multi modality office of talented health professionals; chiropractors, massage therapists and the excellent Dr. I’m about to see. I lay comfortable and ready for the treatment, on my back and fully clothed. During the treatment, all I will feel is the placement of the practitioners hands at specific locations on my body. As she gently places her hands to cradle the back of my head I can ‘feel’ dogs over my left shoulder, barking and quite vicious.

I have not come to accept my aptitude for mediumship or psychic abilities at this point, even though for the last six months I have had awe inspiring, and shocking experiences with spirit. My denial of these experiences was still high, and I wrestled ever day with the wonder of what was happening to me.

I can now sense two Rottweilers and another dog I cannot place, but there are three of them and the ‘vision’ won’t stop. In my mind, I calm myself, take some deep breaths, meditate on the ‘Light’ and think, “ok, maybe this is just some weird manifestation created in my mind because I have some unresolved anger?” I try to listen incase my unconscious is trying to communicate some old issue that my uncooperative, nail biting, overeating self, is trying to ignore. But no! – Quite literally, these are dogs, and they are going nuts over my left shoulder and about 4 inches from my ear. I decide that maybe the woman treating me, was woken to dogs this am, was somehow annoyed and was now transferring her annoyance to me. Honestly! I had no freaking idea! I’m had been searching for answers to the weirdest things lately.

“ummm, can I ask you a question?” I bravely extend my potential for perceived, or possible proof of, insanity.

“sure” in a questioning tone she replies.

“did you have some annoying issue with dogs recently? Like did you wake up to dogs barking this morning?”


Ok, so clearly I may just be nuts! Come on Debra you have to be prepared to accept that finally you may have turned some corner into Nuttyville!

“umm, well, I’m trying to relax but, I know this might sound weird but, ummm I keep feeling these dogs, kind of ummmm, over my shoulder and barking and barking and ummm, I don’t know why? I thought maybe it had to do with me but, ummm I don’t know now cause its still there.”

I went on to describe what I saw, the ‘Energy’ of the situation and the Rottweilers.

“I think you should talk to the women at the front desk.” she replies “I think it may have something to do with someone else, just talk to them on your way out”

Oh man! Temporary hope! I grip the wheel hard to pull a U-turn in the road and see Nuttyville in my rearview – for now. At the counter I pay my bill and like a reckless gambler go ‘all in’ by describing what happened for me in the treatment room.

“Well you know what’s weird?” comes the reply “There was a woman in here about an hour or so ago and she was really upset and telling us about how these two Rottweilers attacked her dog on the weekend!”

Yes! Now I needed treatment to place my jaw back in its proper position.

So this brings me to the picture and the quote; “Wherever you stand, be the soul of that place” Rumi

The madness that must be created by the ignorance of what I have shared above, has often made me sad. That some may be vulnerable to that which does not belong, personally, to them.  I wish I had a manual (I’m sure many of us do) for the new awareness of the Energy Era. Energy seems to be a new catch all for a multitude of experiences; spiritual, physical, and metaphysical or metaphorical. Our collective talk is about what is seen and unseen; until we microscope it further, and even then must assume that there is still more, out of sight – mysterious.

This experience has made me more conscious; more mindful of where I am and what I might be feeling or experiencing that does not belong to me, and equally when I am going about my life, what am I leaving behind. My intention is to be of light and peace – I am not always successful as I struggle; like many, with the humanness of me; yet I always strive for a better expression of who I am.

Live consciously and wisely, be humble and open, with a pure heart and the intention to love better, the creator will provide the opportunities to do so.