May I make a suggestion? Let people in, let them way in. Fill your life up with others. Take the risk. Yes, 100%, take time for solitude but live a life full of people. All kinds, to varying degrees of relationship. Here’s why . . . I ‘blew a nut’ this morning.
I behaved badly. I was a Yelling, RAGEFUL mess. No belittling or name calling – just in full tantrum over someone else’s behaviour and its perceived impact on me. Only here’s the thing – its never, never, ever them! You might really, really want it to be them but it never is. This is a fact I am always and sometimes quite painfully aware of.
Relationships are wellness barometers with faces. Some we love, some make us cringe but all significant in that they give us ample opportunity to learn and develop our personalities as well as recognize the growth as we continue in them. When there is no person, place or thing to bump up against it is easy. There are a batch of unique issues with that, I am sure, but for the most part there is lack of conflict. Today, as a result of my ‘Losing it’ with one of these fine relationships, I was able to reflect and see what was really going on with me, but more importantly I was able to also see tremendous growth. Just mere moments after I escalated I apologized for my “loudness.” Not by saying “I’m sorry I was so loud, but when you . . .”. Instead it was “I am very sorry I was so loud. It’s not appropriate or healthy and I don’t like it when I respond that way.” And then I let the silence be . . . . . . . . . . . . . without trying to appease any guilt in me, with blame. Here’s the other good news. Afterward, I did not allow the ego to take over and berate me, for the rest of the day. There was no internal, nasty dialogue that said what a terrible person I was for raising my voice like that, no consistent focus on self pity and self loathing to again detract from my responsibility in the situation. I’ve come a long way baby!
We are moment to moment blessed with the opportunity to reflect on and question the self. Why am I responding with such anger? Hurt? Sadness? What is my part (there always is our part) and how could I have helped the situation? What is it about Bob or Susan or Rick that makes me feel so irritated or frustrated and why? What am I actually afraid of?
In all these relationships we get messy with each other. We get loud, we get hurt, we get scared and we behave in ways that make us say “oh crap, I wish I had done better than that.” Others may be rude, cold, self-centred and frustrating in a multitude of ways but it is only our internal dialogue and outer response that is the issue. We certainly have great joy in some of these relationships, but it is in these times of strife, that I can truly see where I am at, how far I have come and contemplate where I would like to see myself.
So let them in and do not fear. In such a Divine way the people in our lives reflect the truth of our behaviour back to us, mirroring both our ugly baggage and our radiant light.